So today is the first of December! Not sure where the year went, to be honest, but I'm looking forward to 2010. Not just a new year, but also a new decade. I can't wait to put most of this year behind me.

My unofficial NaNo challenge last month was to write every day during November, which I did. (I have the sticker-filled November on my calender to prove it, once my camera has recharged.) My word count veered wildly between days, and there was one evening where I wrote two paragraphs at 11.45pm and then went straight to bed, but I managed it.

I learned that it is possible to write every day, even if it's just ten minutes I manage to squeeze in somewhere. Towards the middle of November, I realised I was automatically putting aside the time in my day based on what shift I was working (if it was a work day. It was obviously a lot easier to find time to write on my days off). In days where the writing wasn't going well, I went back and reread previous stuff and did a bit of line-editing--anything that would keep the story fresh in my mind.

I also realised that I prefer going back and fixing things before moving on. It's an anti-NaNo sentiment, but it makes me feel better and more confident about moving on. Being 35,001 words deep in a story isn't as scary when you know the majority of the problems in the previous 35,000 are a little better than they were. Either way, I'm going to have to fix it, so I might as well do it sooner rather than later. This is the complete opposite to how I wrote a year ago ('write first, fix later'), but I think I've been converted because it's taken so long to fix the structural and other problems of Draft Two.

That said, no matter how long it's taking, I'm excited about the third draft. Some characters and events have been put in that weren't in the first or second drafts. I'm looking forward to the readers finally getting to see it, even while I'm worrying that they'll think it's crap when they do. I won't know until they have it. I've also noticed I was stuck far less in November than in previous months, and I think the 'rereading and going back and fixing' idea was part of that. It's helped pinpoint problems, or stopped them from causing trouble later on.

I'm still not entirely done, but I'm so close, and aiming to finish as soon as possible--once the Christmas rush starts in earnest I'm going to be so exhausted that writing will slow to a snail's pace. But it's been interesting what a month of writing every day has shown me about the changes in my writing process.

(Yeah, you're totally going to get a post on writing the three drafts of the werewolves once I'm finished, and what changed or stayed the same, and how I nearly lost my mind in the process. It'll be fun. I think.)

Today is the last day of November! I can't believe tomorrow is the start of the last month in 2009.

I'm starting to send Christmas cards this week, so this is the last call for anyone who wants one to arrive (hopefully) on time.

Still writing, since the last few days got a bit hectic and I'm behind schedule as a result. I feel like this book is never going to end. It's got to the point that when random tiny plot details hit me, I have to write them on my hands so I don't forget--I have too many scraps of paper lying around.

I'm overdue with book reviews again. I'll hopefully finish them by the end of this week.

Christmas FM officially started this morning. Laugh all you want but--apart from reading, mulled wine and chocolate--this is what will keep me sane over the next few weeks.

So it turns out Starbucks do have Eggnog Lattes this year, you just have to ask for them as they're not advertised on the board for some reason.

My life, it is complete.

Well... it would be complete if Chapter Ten wasn't turning into another neverending chapter, but what can you do.

I've been stuck on the same scene for three days. I'm going to get up disgustingly early tomorrow morning to try and figure out where I went wrong.

And it's raining--again (complete with gale winds). Half the country is flooded at this point. Seriously, we don't need any more rain, thanks all the same.

It's been a while since I did a general update post, so now that I'm in my local Starbucks (yes, I was an idiot and went online to reply to a few comments and emails, and now I'm doing this in between bouts of Chapter Nine *smacks self*) I decided now was as good a time as any.

- Starting the Christmas cards next week. I'm going to start sending them out the first week in December, so let me know if you want one.

- As you can see from a few posts ago, I signed up for yuletide. I'm pleased and pleasantly surprised by my assignment and am already turning around a few ideas for scenes. Should hopefully be getting my hands on the source material this weekend and I have a beta lined up. Yay for Yuletide!

- Working through Chapter Nine, which should be a lot smoother and faster than Chapter Eight, which took me almost a week to fix. I swear, it was like the never-ending chapter. I've kind of succumbed to the excited stage, where I know all the awesome stuff that's about to happen, but I'm so excited that I lag a little because I know there's no going back once I start writing all this awesome stuff. Though it's nothing like the "oh shit, we're coming up to the end STOP WRITING" block my head slams into later on. Fun times.

- I have to resit my driving theory test on Tuesday because I accidentally let my provisional license lapse without attempting my driving test. The reason I'm doing it now is because from January the test goes from forty questions up to eighty. Forty I can reasonably pass with a bit of studying. Eighty... not so much. I might as well get some driving lessons next year and give the test a shot. The chances of my actually ending up anywhere that I have to drive are slim, but I might as well finish the job this time.

- I've been listening to Lady Gaga on loop while writing lately. No one believes me when I tell them this.

- I've started picking out things for Christmas shopping. The perfect present for M just kind of metaphorically fell into my lap yesterday. He's going to owe me until the end of time, haha.

- Dublin's Christmas lights were turned on Tuesday night! They're pretty damn awesome.

- I've also officially finished all my training at work. Am now a Senior Bookseller. Which essentially equals a lot more general responsibility and potential stress. Apparently though I'm rather zen lately apart from some usual crankiness. I suspect this is due to my feeling better from forcing myself to write even a little every day. Yay for routines, I guess.

- And apparently now I am off to meet my sister in town! She's here until this evening, but stayed with friends instead of me. (Edit: Who got me a little stuffed toy husky! It's been declared half-wolf, christened Violet, and is going to be my writing mascot. I am ridiculously excited about this.)

So, how is everyone?

For months, but specifically the last week, I've been struggling with a plot problem that involves two characters becoming close over a short space of time without bogging down the pacing or coming across as fake. It happens right when some Very Bad Things as also going down, so everything has to be kept brisk and clopping along, so to speak. Except I couldn't figure it out without having to slow things down.

It was raining hard when I woke up for a few minutes at 3am this morning, and I lay in bed half-thinking while I waited to fall back asleep. Then something in my subconscious finally clicked; I sat up in the darkness and bawled, "Emails! That's it!"

So my characters are going to be sending emails to each other. And since someone can lie or hedge things in an email, this works perfectly as Violet has to fluff a few things such as "I turn into a wolf every week or so" and, well, other things that don't exactly come under the header of supposedly being sick.

It may fall flat on its face, but it's better than staring at my outline and going, "What the fuck is meant to happen in Chapter Fifteen again?" 'Cause it definitely wasn't: "Think of something decent for the next draft." Sigh.

Dear Yuletide Santa,

( Your letter is here )

My fortnight in the temporary branch is over and normal life can resume once more. Apparently it went well--I'll have a review soon enough and will know for sure. Fingers crossed!

I was walking home this evening and you could smell winter in the air. It was wonderful. I can't wait for the frost to arrive, and the Starbucks red cups should be showing up soon. Haha, I'm going to associate Toffee Nut Lattes with finishing this draft of the werewolves. :)

I was going to do NaNoWriMo, and then the last fortnight happened and that idea went out the window. Instead my November stuff is going to include cleaning up the rest of the werewolves (progress on that also resumed today, finally), getting it off to readers, and sorting out my outline and synopsis for the next book. And reading. Lots of reading, whee!

I bought Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days today. Am looking forward to working my way through it. Since the PS2 is now our official DVD player, I don't get to play the first two games that much without other people being around.

On that note, I'm going to go and get my ass kicked at Mario Kart by my housemates. The girl who was supposed to move in ended up backing out and now we have E as a new housemate. He's a web designer specialising in flash. He also owns a Wii. ;)

My internet is currently 98% down in the evenings from 6pm onwards. We've rang and complained because this has been happening on and off for almost a month, but in the last few days it's become so bad we don't even try and go online anymore. Hence why I'm not around and why comments and emails are remaining unanswered. Argh. They have until Wednesday to fix it and then I'm ringing and raising hell.

I'm also sick, so I'm going to be spending Hallowe'en curled up on the couch, eating my weight in junk food and watching stuff. I've had a few invites to parties (shock horror!), but I don't think "looking like death warmed over with the dregs of a cold/flu" is a really rockin' costume...

Writing is coming in dribs and drabs. Mostly until my head decides it's had enough and then I stop. Currently poking at Chapter 7 and trying to make it a cohesive whole. Blah.

Edit: Also, a reminder: if you'd like a Christmas card from me, go here.

I have an excuse for being AWOL for the past few days--I'm on a fortnight work exchange in another branch. It's going okay--I'm finally adjusting to working in a smaller shop with people I don't know well--but I'm exhausted when I get home. Tonight is the first night I feel able to even write and go online.

I also know I still have to reply to comments from the last meme (I will, I swear, when my brain works properly again), but I really like this meme!

The problem with LJ: we all think we are so close, but really, we know nothing about each other. So ask me something you want to know about me. Something that should be obvious, but you have no idea about. Ask away. Then post this in your LJ and find out what people don't know about you.

Go at it, I'll answer anything.

Leave me a comment saying "Resistance is Futile."
• I'll respond by asking you five questions so I can satisfy my curiosity
• Update your journal with the answers to the questions
• Include this explanation in the post and offer to ask other people questions

knw gave me:

1. Do you ever miss fandom and writing fanfiction?

In some ways, yes. I was in fandom for so long and met so many people through it. Fandom was my writing training ground and led to my giving publication a serious go. I mostly only write fic now for yuletide. Writing something that I can't publicly share can be very lonely. That, and I fear I might have become boring now that I'm not as active in fanfiction and fandom. Though I don't miss the wank and craziness very much at all.

2. What's your favourite film adaptation of a book, and why?

I love the Sense and Sensibility adaption starring Emma Thompson, Alan Rickman and Kate Winslet etc. Emma Thompson wrote so many drafts of the screenplay to get it right, and it's... it's one of my comfort films, really, and one of my favourite books.

3. Do you think you'd ever give Tokio Hotel a go?

As a fandom, or the music? I listen to the music occasionally, but I listen to a lot of music. Honestly, I find it difficult to get into fandoms that involve music and bands.

4. Sometimes your posts on writing seem like it's a bit of a battle, but you always forge on. Has anything ever truly shaken your commitment, and how did you get past it?

I don't think writing is very easy. I've never found it easy, but I find writing fanfic and original stuff challenging in different ways. I worry about lots of little things, like the fact that Violet is gay, and I'm writing about werewolves when YA paranormal books are a dime a dozen, and apparently werewolves may have already had their fifteen minutes of fame etc. The easiest way to get through that is to convince myself that if I write a good enough book that's a little bit different (and with enough luck on my side) then I'll be okay.

Um, I pretty much didn't write anything for about two months after Chiya and I split up. I associated so much of the then-current draft with her, and had to scrap the majority of it and change what I kept so I could start working on it again.

I also made the dumb mistake of submitting one of my query versions to this anonymous editor blog who rips queries apart and offers advice. While I'm usually okay with getting things ripped to shreds (thanks to fandom!), the anonymous editor ripped apart everything about my plot, my title, and Violet's name--with pretty much nothing constructive to work from. I sat there, reading through the critique and the comments (which, some being anonymous, were going for gold), and thought, I can't do this. I really can't, this book is stupid, and I was deluded to ever think I could succeed and make it work. I spent hours and hours freaking out, and I ended up going to see (500) Days of Summer in an effort to calm down. Afterwards I walked around and tried to pull myself together and remind myself of all the reasons I had ever wanted to write. Then I thankfully emailed someone and freaked out, and got metaphorically whacked over the head and told to keep going and stuff.

I'm probably being a lot more blase about this than I mean to be, but it was horrible and took days to get past it and keep going with the rewrite I was sorting out. On the other hand, I think if I tried to stop writing, I would drive myself mad. I don't really know what else I would do with myself (also a worry in the "oh my god, what am I going to do with my life if this doesn't work?" kind of way). I tend to get all annoyed and fidgety, and I get irritated and drive my housemate insane. XD I think the only way to keep going is to remember that writing and reading are so subjective--one person's gold is another person's rubbish.

5. What's your favourite place/time to write?

I'm mostly a morning writer. I love to get up early and be at Starbucks by 8 or 9am. I find writing at home way too distracting, so I tend to write in cafes or the library, generally places where I can't access the internet. I also don't have a desk right now, so at least I get a table when I'm in town. I've discovered I can get some work done in the evening if I go to a Starbucks that stays open until 9pm, provided I'm not very tired.

(If you saw this for a few hours earlier, it was because I accidentally originally put it under friends-lock instead of private as I was still rewriting parts.)

So I'm only a little bit late in doing this (International Coming Out Day is celebrated in the UK and Ireland on the 12th October). It was partly because I didn't really know what to say and I'm already out to the majority of people I know and who matter to me. Except I glanced through my email and Twitter this morning while getting ready for work and I came across this post, and suddenly I realised I had something to say after all.

So, yeah, for anyone who doesn't know: I'm a lesbian. I'm pretty open about it--the majority of my friends, co-workers and close family know. Some were okay with it, many indifferent, some took it extremely badly. My father doesn't know because there were a few personal family crises for him in the past year, and I didn't want to add to them, and some of my own personal circumstances changed. I'll probably tell him eventually, but not right now. I'm okay with that since it's my decision. I haven't told newish co-workers I don't know particularly well, or my extended family because I don't really know them well, either.

As a side-note, I mostly agree with everything Jessica Faust said in her post. (Before anyone goes nuts, she used erotica as an example. The person who asked the question doesn't go in depth as to what type of gay-anything they write, so it's only an example.) Publishing is a business. There's a bottom line. And unfortunately publishing hasn't caught up with the changing reactions to sexual orientation that are slowly happening, especially when it comes to writing for children and teenagers. (Since I've been working on a YA GLBT book for over a year now, this is what I'm going to be focusing on in this post, though I'm also a children's bookseller at work so you could say I have a vested interest.) Part of the problem is that the people who are not the majority are still the ones protesting the loudest in a "Must protect the children! At all costs!" sort of way.

When it comes to writing for children and teenagers, you're never going to make everyone happy. Someone will not like your writing; the message they've decided you're promoting (and most authors would agree that teens can smell preaching a mile away); they'll think your subject matter isn't suitable. Despite the growth in YA GLBT fiction, it's still a minority; there are more books dealing with gay teenagers than lesbians; fewer still include bisexuals. And let's not go into the teen authors who tackle difficult or dark subjects and the thought of book banning makes me cry.

When I started writing the first draft of TWFF back in May 2008 (...oh boy), I realised Violet was gay in my second chapter. While obviously I didn't have a problem with it, I realised having a lesbian narrator would make things a little more difficult when it came to querying and publication, if I got that far. While I would love to think that everyone would take the book as a whole into consideration, I'm not naive enough that I don't realise there are people who'll figure out that Violet is gay, stop and put the book away. There's nothing I can do about that. I don't announce Violet's sexuality right from the beginning--it shows up when it needs to, presented as another part of her... kind of like how I end up coming out to people, in fact, as I don't look like a stereotypical lesbian.

The first teen book I read that had a whiff of not-straightness about it was when homosexuality was mentioned in Tamora Pierce's Protector of the Small quartet. I can't remember what specific age I was, but I think about fourteen or fifteen. My hometown is small and our library is even smaller; there was no GLBT teen fiction available. One of the things I've loved most about writing TWFF is the sexuality aspect--I'm getting to write relationships that didn't exist for me in fiction when I was a teenager. People might not agree with some of the things Violet does or the decisions she makes, but no gay teen is perfect or free from making mistakes; no gay relationship is free from stupidity or breaking down. What I think is important to avoid is having an unhappy ending because that's all that gay characters and relationships got in the past.

Am I worried about querying a YA urban fantasy with GLBT elements? A little. But probably not for the reasons you think--most of my worries are about things that are completely out of my hands. I can't control what people are going to think. All I can do is concentrate on writing and rewriting the best book I can. Unfortunately we still live in a society where Jessica Faust is going to get questions like the one above, and society is still in such a way that reactions like those in the above post can turn into a bit of a mess. But all we can do is keep writing, and accept the uphill struggles but refuse to bow to them. There's no point denying that they're there, but that doesn't make them right. We have to keep buying and reading GLBT fiction, YA or adult; we have to show that we're not afraid to have it available and on the shelves. It's not going to go away.

I'm not writing for the parent who might accuse me of trying to corrupt their teenager. I'm writing for the teenager who feels alone, whether they live in a city or the middle of nowhere, or the teenager who might read a GLBT-themed book and feel better about the secret they're keeping from their parents.

And for those who like werewolves, I guess.

Writing did not come easy today. By 6pm I had a hundred or so words and the majority were terrible. I'd been planning to go out to write today, but around noon it started bucketing down to the point where I was peering out the window and decided I really didn't want to take my laptop out in that. So I stayed in, but I was easily distracted and nothing felt right and I couldn't read, so evening came and I snapped and went to a Starbucks that stays open until about 9pm.

I sat down with a hazelnut hot chocolate and a dreadful sandwich, gritted my teeth, and started working through the scene that had been handing my ass to me all week. I got through it and went to the next one, and that one started flowing from my fingertips and it was wonderful. I started the last scene of the current chapter right before Starbucks closed so I'm going to finish tomorrow, but something mentioned in a feedback email triggered something else and have a bunch of future notes jotted down. I'm feeling incredibly optimistic about the next few chapters right now. I'm hoping to get a lot done tomorrow, fingers crossed.


In other news, I changed shampoo and conditioner and used them for the first time today. This wouldn't be news except every time I moved my hair I got a blast of the scent. I kept being really confused because it was incredibly strong, lol.


I'm staying the hell away from the Matchmaker Meme that's beginning to float around my flist. While it might be cathartic in a way, I don't think I'm quite there yet.


We have a new housemate moving in this weekend. My first impression of her wasn't great, but we desperately need a fourth person in and my recent work stress has left me hating the general population, so my first impression will hopefully be proved wrong and we'll all get on and live together peacefully. Besides, I get on with M and G quite well, so I feel the odds are with me. Unfortunately, this means we have to clean everything tomorrow, so I'm going to get up early and do my cleaning (apart from the hoovering) and then I'm going to start writing early.


I'm behind in nearly all my TV shows, so I'm hoping to rectify this over the next few days. :D

Yes, yes, I know it's only October. However, we've already got our Christmas cards in at work and other shops already have had their displays up since September. And I like pretending to be somewhat organised about this (I may have contemplated the start of Christmas shopping last week. Only for a while).

So if you'd like a Christmas card from me, leave a comment with your name and full address. All comments are screened, so only I'll be able to see them. If you're uncomfortable with putting your address in a comment, you can email it to me at kessie (at) livejournal (dot) com (with no spaces etc.). My cards tend to not be religious-themed (exceptions tend to be the Amnesty Christmas cards, which are very pretty) and are generally just kind of chatty and wishing you a happy insert-holiday-of-your-choice-if-I-know-it. I have no problem posting them internationally.

I really enjoy doing this and sending the cards (I ♥ Christmas and December a great deal and have no shame about it), so please don't be afraid to leave a comment. :)

It might have been helpful if I'd checked the temperature before getting dressed--the temperature plummeted during the night. I have a short-sleeved top on and it's 9 degrees C outside. About 48 degrees F, I think.

I'm near the door for the next two hours and I'm freezing. I'm here for another two hours later on, so I may have to buy a sweater during my lunch. D:

So, uh, hi winter? I guess? Although I prefer being cold to being cold and damp, so I'll take frost over rain any day.

Oh man, I am so tired, I can barely keep my eyes open. I think it has to do with the weather: it's been raining all day, a miserable and constant rain. I got soaked while running to get food on my lunch, though I misjudged how heavy the rain was so it was my own fault. Still.

I'm supposed to finish a difficult scene tonight, so I think I'm going to have to make coffee to stay awake for that. Then I'll read for a while before giving in to sleep, purely so I won't go to bed too early and end up waking up at 4am. I have an annual leave day tacked on to my days off this week, though, so that's three days in which to progress on the writing and reply to emails and such.

This is the problem with going back to early shifts: I'm at work when I'm usually writing, and I'm way too tired when I get home from work to manage it. I think I'm going to have to start waking up at 6am or something and adjust my sleeping schedule. But once the clocks go back, that means I'm going to be waking up to pitch darkness. Ack.

One of life's greatest pleasures is to eat cake while watching ANTM. Yeah, life has gone from being unbearably stressful back to boring. I'm extremely grateful for that.

I'm... not really looking forward to going to work tomorrow (I never want a repeat of the last fortnight. Ever), but I'll see how it goes. Wish me luck, I think I'm going to need it. Sigh.

Good news is that yesterday I properly wrote for the first time in almost two weeks! Well, yesterday wasn't so much writing as sitting with my old outline, a fresh notebook, and a bunch of index cards and fixing the pacing from the first half of the book. I think I got it. Maybe.

Today I sat down and fixed the first three chapters, smoothed them out and changed a couple of things. Tomorrow evening will be spent tackling Chapter Four, which is where the biggest chunk of deleting and rewriting starts. I think I have it mostly figured out--I'm going to go over it one last time before bed tonight.

I also started Liar by Justine Larbalestier this morning. Um. Holy crap, this could be one of the best books I've read in years. I'm almost 100 pages from the end, and now that I've done a good bit of work on the werewolves today, I can go and finish it now. :D There's going to be a flailing review for this one, I can tell.

I am off to haul my ass to Starbucks and attempt writing. Oh boy, need coffee.

If I'm not around much this week it's because I'm losing the plot thanks to work and staying offline thanks to foul humour. Again.

My work week from hell is finally over!

I have a book, dinner, and a glass of wine. Life is fabulous right now.